Strained Relations

Strained Relations: Help for Struggling Parents of Troubled Teens

Cheri’s Adoption Experience & Some Parenting Advice

Posted by Marcia on March 13, 2010

Following my last post, I received an email from a distant cousin. She wrote the following:

“As an adopted child, it all depends on how the adoptive parents handle the situation. I was told about being adopted when I was very young, in the form of a story. As I got older and began to question my parents, they honestly told me what they could (Ohio has sealed records). My dad encouraged me to look into my past, but my Mom, for many reasons, did not. When she did pass away, I wrote to the court in Columbus and received ALL the paperwork about my adoption. Probably because everyone associated with the process had passed on. I was never made to feel any different form the Ungerleider side. My mother’s family was quite the opposite and could never understand why I didn’t like them! Adoptive parents shouldn’t be upset at the above questions, it’s normal. I said that too. But, if they never told the child about being adopted in the first place, then they need to become very upfront and honest with the child immediately. Assure them that they are special and were “chosen” by their parents and are loved.

Parents are so stupid these days- think they have to be buddies to their kids or have to allow those kids to say and do anything for it might hurt their “self esteem”. My kids were always to told that we would love them no matter what, but we demanded their respect and gave it back to them in return. We always told my kids that no matter what, we would be there to defend and fight for them when needed. I also told my kids, when they were in their early and late teens, that I wasn’t their pal, I was their Mom and could be their very best friend or very worst enemy- it was up to them. When they each turned 25, they came to us and said we were the best parents any kid could have had. Guess we did it right.”

Would you like to share your thoughts or experiences? All you have to do is send me a comment, and I can accept the comment or use it as a post if you indicate I can do so.

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