Strained Relations

Strained Relations: Help for Struggling Parents of Troubled Teens

Archive for July, 2009

Attention, New Parents: Let the Worrying Begin!

Posted by Marcia on July 30, 2009

Being a parent is not easy. The worrying begins before the baby is born. You can do all the right things, watch your diet, take your vitamins and do what you can to have a healthy child. And it can all change in an instant.

Our nephew’s baby was born through a surrogate late last night. The baby was due August 16, but last night, their surrogate was in a serious accident. The baby was delivered via C-Section so doctors could take care of her other physical needs, and she required various procedures and surgery. Meanwhile, the baby was born with serious head injury, possibly due to the same seat belt that probably saved both their lives. He is in stable but critical condition in the hospital.

The photos were shared and there is this wee baby with lots of tubes, wires and what-not attached to him. And he’s strong, a real fighter. He wants that oxygen tube out and tries to remove it.

Our nephew and his beloved husband are in full parenting mode: exhausted, worried, hopeful, anxious. There are all of the feelings that go along with being a new parent and the additional stress of the situation.

It’s not easy to look past all of this and see down the road, envisioning this child at 10 or 16 or 30. I remember it wasn’t easy for us to picture our baby as being anything other than the particular stage he was in.

When our son was an infant, that precious time did seem it would last forever, although logically we knew it wouldn’t. Parents of older children would say to cherish each day as those days seem very long but in fact, go by quickly and children’s stages don’t last very long.

I tried to heed that advice but it wasn’t easy. There are certain times that I remember vividly, as if they occurred earlier today. I remember holding our baby in the middle of the night, feeding him and singing to him and feeling we would be close like that forever. And that was 20 years ago. I did treasure that time with our son, seeing the world through a different lens and filtering through all of the information thrown out there for parents.
We also went through difficult stages and behaviors and did what most parents do: were ignorant about or denied problems, were angry and upset, felt guilty, worked on the issues, tried to find help.

It’s what we do for our children all along the line, isn’t it? We do the best we can. That’s what our nephews are learning now.

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