Keeping Perspective on Problems
Posted by Marcia on November 21, 2011
It’s been quite awhile since I’ve written, and I could go into lengthy reasons, but I will instead say we took a fantastic vacation, my old computer died, had to get a new one, suffered though re-doing each program and lost a lot of data. Meanwhile, I learned more disheartening and worrisome news about our son. Just when I think he’s on the brink of getting on-track.
One of the things I’ve been mulling over is that when you’re living in the same house where you have difficult memories, being concerned about your child, where s/he is, how s/he’s doing, what will be in the future, it’s hard to remove yourself from that spiral of thoughts, worries, re-plays of conversations/fights and missed opportunities, second-guessing and regrets. At least, that’s the way it is for me, so I assume it must be the same for many others.
Going away, being out of our environment and going to a foreign country with a different culture worked some magic in reminding me about perspective.
We live in California, and although there are older buildings and ruins we can visit, our area is mostly pretty new. It’s the Silicon Valley, focused on the now. Out trip to France reminded me of our distant past, of Western history and culture, and of the thought that we are still but specks on this planet.
Walking down the street and seeing buildings that have been occupied for a thousand years does tend to put things in place.
It was a good reminder for me that whatever we’re going through with our son, whatever you’re going through with your child or family member, there are only a few ways it can go. Things can stay the same, they could improve a little, or you can turn our relationship around so that it is fully repaired.
If I can hold on to that thought that things may change, that I can control and work on some things, and other things are out of my control, I will be okay.
I hope you can hold onto these thoughts during the holiday season, a really difficult time for many. Best wishes.
Faith Blitman said
Your openness and authenticity come through offering comfort to those parents walking a similar uncertain path with unanswered questions, doubts and concerns.
Your deep caring also comes across informing me that any child would be fortunate to have you as a parent. (I regularly see parents who are seemingly devoid of any real affection for their children – or themselves – and who are perpetrators of various types of abuse and neglect.) During this season, my hope is don’t lose sight of your worth and can gain sustenance by continuing to reach out to others, G-d, or your Higher Power. One of life’s most difficult lessons to master is surely how to detach with love and be secure in the knowledge you are not alone. My best wishes to you, Marcia, and to all those who share a similar struggle. Faith
Marcia said
Thank you so much for your very kind note. This is something I will return to when I need reassurance and a lift. I sincerely appreciate this, Faith.
Thank you,
Marcia